No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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