She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize