I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
