a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
