His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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