So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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