do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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