I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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