The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
