A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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