while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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