I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize