you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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