I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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