he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
