she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
