New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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