did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
