is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
