I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize