Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
