We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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