Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My balls are so social today.
zippers are such a cool invention
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
