My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
