I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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