Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
