Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize