At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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