Having a random hookup so left but love u
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
