At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
