I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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