but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I love you.
Bad choice
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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