i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
