I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
