addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
