then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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