I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
