Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
