this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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