When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
