we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
