A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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