very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Sober January is a disaster.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
