About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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