I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
