Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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