The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
