I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
