Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize