Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
