...so i touched it.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
