hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
