I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
