all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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