See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
