The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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