I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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