I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
