Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
