Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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