She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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