I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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