so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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