I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
