put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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