I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My vagina just clenched in fear
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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