just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
