Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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