why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
