I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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