I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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