Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
