I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
