I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
