I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
