Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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