i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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