i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
