my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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