apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
