What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
