I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
