how can u be prego again
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
