whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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